Hot town, summer in the city.

Hi,

Another little one from way back when, was funny at the time.

Sometime in mid summer in Liverpool quite a while ago all was normal and chugging along as per. Thing with night clubs is that they mostly run themselves, people know the routine (queuing up, pay at the front, go to the bar, get the drinks, squash yourself into a seething sweaty mass) you just have to nudge it along and jump when you have to.

 There's always going to be idiots. There always has and always will be, no matter how hard we try to educate or show people that, say, having no pants on, or peeing onto people from a high balcony just isn't very smart; They always will.

There are repercussions that may not be very nice like, say, the one you peed on marching up to you and punching your lights out. Obviously the only recourse for the now smited foe is to rush to the bouncers and state loudly and angrily that someone has just punched you for absolutely no reason at all and you want them dragged in front of the highest law in the land and have their eyeballs pulled through their bum hole. No matter what they have actually done and may deserve, people believe they are unique little snowflakes, wondrous and fantastic in every way, unquestionable and righteous.

People are largely dicks.

Yes there are exceptions to the rule but through my experiences with the human race they can be selfish, rude, violent children. Stupidity runs rampant, Darwin's rule is broken and those who would, in times gone past, have fled this world of ours with the last words of 'good kitty, my what big teeth you have' are now the pampered masses of a new and indulgent generation. 

 I know every generation believes that the next are brainless but it seems to be infectious. The arguments I've had with octogenarians and infants are the one and the same. Disheartening. 

And then something comes along that makes you smile. That one little incident that turns up the corners of your mouth and makes the heart flutter with humour. It can be by design. But most times by accident. The universe sometimes throws you a bone.

As we sorted through the gaggle of folks, chopping the queue, looking for the things that need to be seen. Are they drunk, on drugs, looking for a fight, going to get themselves into a state.. All the little things that leap out at me and scream to be noticed. I saw a lad. Shorts, t-shirt with a pair of tits on it (apt) and one green and one yellow flip flops. Don't know why he struck me. Sometimes I don't have a clue why these people stick out to me. They just do and I know they are going to be.. Silly.

He went through the front. ID'd, questioned about who else he was with and away he went, past the large swinging double doors and the fray of the heaving masses. Something stuck with me about him. No idea what it was but We would find out soon enough.

 Standard method of dealing with these things is to get eyes on. Simply put just stay in the club and watch them. It's not too nice. Hot, sweaty, noisy and you get pestered a lot by idiots who demand you smile and join them in being buffoons. 

"Why ain't you smilling, go on give us a smile.." 

"Am just busy hun.."

"If you like me you'd smile.."

"There we go then, that's your answer"

"Wha..?"

Sigh.

Whilst fending off the attentions of various vacuous gibbons I saw our friend being, well, being a prat. Pouring drinks over his head, pushing people in the throng, screaming at other idiots and then the big no no. Touching. A little contact is to be expected. Not trying to put your hand up their skirts.

Time to go.

I move slowly through the crowd. Don't rush, don't give the game away. Took a slanting angle to the man. Never from the front, always from the side. Stopped in the middle of the club. Watch the target, will he fight, does he have anything close that can be used as a weapon. Observe. 

Admist the unsuspecting conglomerate I saw him face to face with another man, arguing. He'd gone too far it seems and is about to reap his rewards. Lets stop that shall we. I made my way over and wedged myself between the two.

"Right pal, time to get off."

"You what dickhead.." Well thats a good start..

"It's time you got off mate, your not welcome" bet he doesn't take the easy way..

"Am gonna smash you dickhead"

Why do they never play nice..?

Hand moves to his arm, he shrugs off, my head moves to the left, the punch sails past, using his momentum his back is now to my front, lunges backwards with his head, ow..

 The back of his head it my forehead, as soon as I felt him bring his momentum forward I knew what he was planning and dipped my head down. Still hurt.

He was same height as me, smaller build but had a lot of strength. Drugs. Was hard to keep him under control, he was slipping from my grip. The movement of us struggling with each other had alerted my friend Owain. With slick ease he joined the grapple and took an arm, two's easier than one, and with that we began dragging him to the door. When people know the games up they become vocal. He was no different. The same old  threats, same old obscene demands, the same death to you and your family.. What a potty mouth. 

He's going to get us killed

He's going to rape our mums

He's going to burn down my house

Owains going to get cut up

We are both going to be shot.

Horrible stuff from a horrible cunt.

We get him to the door and fling him into the night. He screams, shouts and tells us to go fuck ourselves. Then he does something that is  probably one of the most abhorrent things anyone could do. He clears his sinuses and gobs a massive globbet of spit at us. 

Disgusting.

With his primeval rebuke complete he walks off, all swagger and roll. That's when we notice a flip flop on the floor in front  of us. What else can we do? He's away from the door, he's out of the place? As much as we would want to grab him and teach the little shit a lesson it would be illegal. That would be assault.

Almost as an act of frustration Owain picks up the flip flop and ninja star's it towards him. It was a wonderfull shot. A perfect shot. Don't know if it was the humidity that gave it lift or a particularly aerodynamic flip flop but it literally flew thirty feet just as the little tit turned around to give us yet more abuse and slapped him straight in his face! The sound was beautiful. It echoed across the ally like the parting strike of a scorned women. Lovely. His walk away was applauded by the sound of laughter. 

Sometimes the universe just throws you a bone.

Hope you enjoyed.

Stay safe. Speak soon.