Bunny's List.

1. Hi,
2. 
   
3. Here is a copy of the list. It was a take on 'Skippy's List' and a few folks found it slightly funny so I thought I'd post it to give a small insight to my eclectic personality. The list was comprised between many friends that I worked the doors with and written down by my Lady Bear ❤️ All the below are rules made up after actual events. Hope you enjoy.
4. 
   
5.    The standard SIA licence is NOT the only requirement of clothing on shift
6. Bunny will never again turn up for work in power risers
7. Swords and axes are NOT essential doorstaff equipment
8. No, Bunny, a daneaxe is not a 'cultural accessory'
9. Bunny will not attempt to get the bar staff attention by jumping up and down headbutting the air conditioning 
10. Bunny will not check whether or not he is wearing a protective cup by punching himself in the crotch
11. Especially not while in the kitchen of the premises in the presnece of the head of security
12. On discovering you are not wearing one, punching your crotch again while giggling is not normal
13. Doorstaff are not permitted to take a sneaky snooze on THE STEP, and bite anyone who tries to step over them
14. Customers do not have to answer 3 riddles in order to enter the premises
15. Skinny women are not 'snake food'
16. Bunny is not allowed to ask skinny flat chested women if they have left their boobs somewhere
17. Bunny is not to deny entrance to skinny girls until they have eaten 'a decent chippy tea' 
18. Bunny will not refer to customers in door reports as meatsacks, fucktards or gene pool rejects
19. Bunny is not allowed to shout at people to get off THE STEP if he has just laid them out on it
20. The metal shutters opposite the premises are not a 'safety net'
21. Students are fragile and not to be used as frisbees
22. Lighting a cigarette on THE STEP is not a declaration of war
23. Bunny will not adopt a gollem voice in order to call the head of security a 'stupid fat hobbit' 
24. Bunny will not put a curse on the head of security
25. Even if he is from Yorkshire
26. No part of any human is to be worn as an jewellry, regardless of how it was aquired
27. Ears are not people handles
28. Bunny is to escort confrontational customers from the premises, not 'ride them like seabiscuit' 
29. There is no basket ball court in the carpark, and no plans to build one
30. The fire exit, despite its name, is not meant to be on fire
31. Bunny is not to challenge women to a contest of best dressed lady garden, and present his mohawk as a brazillian
32. Bunny is not to scent mark the head doormans property by rubbing it with his face 
33. Bunny is definately not to scent mark the head doormans property by rubbing it with his crotch
34. Infact Bunny is to assume anything involving rubbing is right out
35. In no conflict situation is Bunny to call for mayonaise
36. Bunny is not to come to the aid of his collegues in a confrontational situation by screaming 'I WANT HIS TEEEEEETH!' 
37. Bunny will not sacrifice annoying customers in order to 'appease the thunder god' 
38. Bunny is not to consume Relentless, skittles or blue jelly on shift
39. No one is to feed Bunny Relentless, skittles or blue jelly for their own amusement
40. On no account is Bunny to be fed after midnight
41. Bunny will not call 2 emergency vehicles to the same location in order to 'race' them
42. Bunny will not address law enforcement officers as 'flower'
43. Bunny will not dance provocativly at law enforcement officers
44. Bunny IS allowed to tap dance up THE STEP
45. Bunny IS NOT allowed to tap dance up students
46. Bunny will not attempt to post mouthy bar backs into the ice-maker
47. Running into the bar screaming is not apocalypse training
48. Customers attempting to fight in the bar are not 'bowling balls', groups of smoking students are not skittles. Anyone caught playing this game again will be excommunicated
49. Water-boarding is not a legal form of restraint
50. Customers' santa hats are not a snack alternative to fried chicken
51. When asking questions to ascertain sobriety, 'are you a terrorist' is NOT an acceptable question
52. Pointing and laughing does not constitute 'medical assistance'
53. Pouring wax on THE STEP is neither funny nor 'training', it is infact a safety hazard
54. We will not be overrun with 'spider-babies' if you do not have the green fruit pastel