Of mice and men.

 Hi, 

The events of this post happened at the weekend on the tail end of the Saturday night.

I've just had a bit of what you could call 'a ding dong'. A twenty man brawl in the middle of the road with bottles being thrown, faces getting ruined and belts being used a maces. Bit of a doozy of a day you could say, how was your last day at work ;) Worst thing was the lad who I was working with shit out. He dropped his balls, crapped it. He locked himself in the club and watched as myself and ten other bouncers from the club next door fought in the street.

What a cunt.

 It all started as these things do, at the end of the night. We had 8 or so customers left in, I had stopped letting in and the front door was locked. We were using the side door with a slide bolt to allow people out.

"If you leave now folks you can't come back in.."

"Why?.."

"Because we are shutting mate.."

"But I want a fag.."

"And you can have one, but if you leave you can't come back in.."

"Thats not nice, I'm going to write a complaint about you, your getting sacked, let me out.."

"Sure, what ever.. Sigh.."

 As I thought upon the selfish nature of humanity and what enlightenment an electric eel to the groin would do for obnoxious people, manager John comes out from the bar to have a ciggie outside. Now I like John, he knows the dance and understands what the real world is like.

 At this point my oppo is chatting up a woman (as he painfully does at every opportunity). Suddenly John pokes his head through the gap of the door and calmly squeaks in his thick scouse twang "aye, Bunny mate, it's going off.."

 So. Here we go. This is when the heart starts going for most people. This is when the adrenalin pumps and the mind goes wild. For me, personally, I thought..

"Ahh monkey balls.. I was just about to have a brew. Fuckerty-plop.."

 I say to my oppo "red man mate, we're on" and run out of the door towards the fight. For those of you who don't know what red man means, allow me to to enlighten you. There are three codes we use (other firms and areas have their own I'm sure).. The first is Green man, this is a none hostile situation, it's a walkout, it's an info request, it's a 'please come inside a moment, don't worry it's nothing serious'

 Next we have Amber man.. This is bad. A fight is certain to happen. Now.. Or, if you are in the venue it's a call for assistance. You know that when you attempt to remove someone they are going to fight. Get here. Now.

 And finally we have the aforementioned Red man. This means it's going off, they are fighting. Abandon your positions and come do the voodoo that you do so well.

In the street I see two lines of lads aged between 20 to 28, smallest one was about 5'10 and the largest was around 6'4 all of various builds. One group was white and one black. Now I have no hatred for humans on account of their colour, sexuality or religion. I despise what humans do as a species but thats by the by. I could quote any number of great men or women through the ages but I will quote John Lydon; "I've met the man on the street and he's a cunt.." 

 In between these two groups of gladiators is a line of bouncers from the venue next to mine, it's not always all for one and one for all but when the shit hits the fan you step up and save the lad next to you from getting his head stamped on. Simple as that. 

 The two groups are desperately trying to get to each other, there's crys of various types (including 'come on then Harry Potter, I'll fucking cut you' which made me chuckle) and lads are taking their belts off, wrapping them round thier hand so the big metal buckles over the knuckles, nasty. The situation is getting bad, very bad. Bottles are being picked up, threats are being made and it is certainly going to kick off. I contacted the police with my nitenet radio (a direct line to the cops to bypass 999) and in radio speak tell them to get their fucking arses down here. Now most people think that thugs are stupid. They ain't, they just have a different type of education to most of the population and it's one that has kept them alive (well, the one's that learn quickly anyway) so as they see that theres no way theough the bouncers they leave, they walk to the end of the street and are gone, que whooping and racist chants from the remaining group. But they haven't left, they haven't fled. They are walkimg round the block. 

I heard the bottle smash into the lads face and the scream from his girlfriend before I saw the ambush. Screams, shout, threats.. The sound of car horns and the fight spills into the road. As one group the bouncers run around the corner. It's mayhem, utter madness. Theres a lad lying on his back unconscious on the pavement, a woman is being punched in the face again and again and again, her attacker's face screwed up into a mask of hatred, she's pissed herself. The sound of bottles smashing, punches landing into peoples heads, screams and bellows. 

 What would you do? Seriously. Ask yourself. What would be your first course of action? There is 20+ people trading injuries. How would you stop this. Now here we come to the first insight of my job. I don't start fights. I stop them. Any fucking medical grade retard can start a barny, we have been doing it since one brother looked from the rock to his sibling and had a lightbulb moment. Stopping a fight is hard work, it envolves separating a number of very very angry people who honestly want to seriously hurt their fellow combatant. Not messing about, not slightly angry, not really mad. Theywant to  hospitalise each other and you have to get into the middle of that..!

The only option is to seperate and subdue. Grab someone and punch them. Choke them unconscious, slap them silly if you have to. It's not nice, it's dangerous. You will get hurt and in a lot of cases they will all turn on you! Now I know what many of you are thinking, your thinking "but that's assault! Your as bad as they are!" You know what? Shut up you stupid clown shoed ass hat! What fucking planet are you from?? With the police cut down to the very bone the average reaponce time can be from ten minutes to not at fucking all..! In thattime someone has died, someones son is literally kicked to death, someone's daughter is stabbed, punched so hard that they hit their head on the floor and never wake up. If you want it to stop you must act. It started on our street so we are the ones to end it, or gain some control at least.

 I don't know how many times I was hit, punched, kicked and generally roughed up. All I remember was a blur of people, blood and things whizzing past my face. I had dodged half of them before I even recognised the threat. No idea who was driving but I was sure as hell was just on for the ride. I remember rolling on the floor with a lad who was trying to bite my face, I stopped him by pushing both of my thumbs into his eyes until he screamed for me to stop, I took my thumbs out and head butted him. 

 The polce (thank the God's for the thin blue line) turned up in typical Sweeney style. 7 vans, all with side doors open before they had a chance to stop. Then it was over. Apart from the bouncers everyone suddenly had somewhere else very important to be. They legged it in all directions.. I saw some literally sprinting down the middle of the main road (a four lane road in the middle of Manchester, now thats not fucking inconspicuous is it, tit)  

 Just like that calm was restored. The cops arrested a few (out of about 20-25 fighters only three were caught) and everyone went about their day. As you can imagine we took a few minutes to shake each others hands and for some to have a smoke. And that's when I saw him. That's when I saw my oppo. He had locked himself in the club and was peering through the glass door watching all that had happened. He was shaking. 

 And that was my Saturday night. Bruised, sore, ripped clothing and a good few lumps. 

Never did get that brew.

Speak soon, stay safe.